January 11, 2005

Virtual Stan

Every so often something so odd comes along that you can’t help but take notice. Of course, you really take notice when that odd thing is about you. Many of you know of one of the nicknames I have been given. Stan. What many of you don’t know about are the extreme extents my “friends” go through to convince everyone that this is my real name. It’s gone as far as an official “voice” being originated for my “friends” to use during impersonations which usually include common scenarios I find myself in (and lately my robot pal, Zorthron). All of this is performed for, what I am told is, my amusement and the amusement of others. My good friend Rob Weychert is usually at the heart of this. He has long since threatened to unleash it onto the world; a soundboard of what I am presumably really like, so everyone will finally know. Well, during last year’s Secret Santa, Rob drew my name from the hat… and his dream finally came true¹. Rob spent an embarrassing amount of time and energy on my gift. This has been in Rob’s head for many years. Regardless, and despite all of my usual protests, when I saw it I laughed so hard I was in tears. It may not even be funny to you since you don’t know. Maybe it will be even funnier since you don’t know. I am not going to try and explain it. You just have to see it. Dear god, here is Virtual Stan.

¹ This is actually the second of Rob’s dreams; the first was for me to grow a mustache. I fulfilled that dream for Rob during a bet on New Year’s Eve 2000. Yes, Rob is disturbed.

Commentary (35):

1. Shaun Inman says… jan 11, 2005 | 8:27 am

Virtual? More like “identical.” Nice work R0b!

2. Ian says… jan 11, 2005 | 8:40 am

Awww, yeah. Time to prank call the Chinese food place. Good working, ROb!

3. John Oxton says… jan 11, 2005 | 8:40 am

That is very very funny. Oh dear. I am still chuckling.

4. daniel f says… jan 11, 2005 | 8:43 am

this is crazy, but cool :)

5. mary says… jan 11, 2005 | 8:51 am

That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

6. Rob Mientjes says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:06 am

Wow! Environment makes specials! w00h00!

Rob’s outdone himself, but Roxanne could’ve been better.

7. wayne says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:18 am

having known rob for more than twenty years, i can say that this stands among his greatest achievements, along with being an awesome eater, having metallica tell him he has cool hair, and perfecting his lego fu. all that remains for him is recording an all-rob’s-voice metallica album and scaring my dad.

8. Dan Mall says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:24 am

That is too funny . . . ROb, I can’t believe you got the real Stan on tape! He can finally shed that stupid Jason Santa Maria facade.

9. Todd says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:27 am

That just made my week! I’m not going to be able to get any work done today. Hahahahahaha!!

10. niff says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:31 am

i can’t believe the lenghts you will go to, to convince people your real name is jason santa cruza del maria or something. i mean, you even made this site and make people call you jason. what a boring name. your proud parents would be so upset if they only new stan jr. was throwing away his family name.
ROB—- you rock. this is so perfectly amazing. i actually thought stan was on tv. =)

11. Ray says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:33 am

There’s just something disturbing about Stan, or “Jason Santa Maria” as he likes to call himself, standing in front of an Apple Store singing to the tune of Brickhouse…

Very, very hilarious! Nice work, Rob. And thank you, Stan, for releasing this to the rest of the world!

12. sutter says… jan 11, 2005 | 9:37 am

This is great! We don’t need Stan at all anymore.

13. bearskinrug says… jan 11, 2005 | 10:12 am

You’re right! Let’s go to some OTHER site, Sutter!

14. Julian says… jan 11, 2005 | 10:34 am

Funny Page! Great work to Rob, nice gift to you…

15. Peter Santa Maria says… jan 11, 2005 | 10:34 am

Rob, you really have outdone yourself this time! Absolutely amazingly funny and hee-hee-larious!

The only thing that would have made the site better was if Stan sang an Asshole Pants song.

16. Carlos Porto says… jan 11, 2005 | 10:39 am


Sci-fi hits reality. Great work Rob! And keep up the great singing Stan…

17. Kevin Tamura says… jan 11, 2005 | 12:03 pm

Oh that was fun — can we get you to do some Johnny Cash?

18. Ian says… jan 11, 2005 | 12:55 pm

Yeah, does the Stan-o-Tronic take requests?

19. Brent O’Connor says… jan 11, 2005 | 2:12 pm

Two words, Hil Larious!

20. Brent O’Connor says… jan 11, 2005 | 2:14 pm

PS, very Adam Sandler, espically the mad face.

21. Terry Tolleson says… jan 11, 2005 | 4:43 pm

Ok, that was pretty damn funny. The “angry”? face still has me in stitches. What an awesome gift to get from someone!

22. Calrion says… jan 11, 2005 | 8:34 pm

You kids crack me up, that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages! I had to stop looking or the boss’ll wonder why I’m laughing so hard.

And yeah, I’d love to see Stan do “Burning Ring of Fire”.

23. Rob Weychert says… jan 12, 2005 | 12:49 am

Stan doesn’t usually take requests, but if Virtual Stan v2 happens, I’ll see if I can’t persuade him to give us a little of the “Stan in Black.”

24. Seth Thomas Rasmussen says… jan 12, 2005 | 3:40 am

Is there a mailing list I can signup for so as to be notified the instant Zorthron action figures become available?

25. Matt Davis says… jan 12, 2005 | 12:23 pm

The single greatest piece of artificial intelligence EVER!

26. Jason Beaird says… jan 13, 2005 | 12:18 pm

Those of us who have never met you will now assume you have a ventriloquist dummy mouth and a southern draw. Nice work Rob! Very funny, and curiously disturbing at the same time.

27. Ian says… jan 13, 2005 | 3:43 pm

Not to mention a wicked awesome moustache!

28. Ryan says… jan 13, 2005 | 5:02 pm

Good stuff, I especially liked “Roxanne”.

29. clint says… jan 13, 2005 | 6:18 pm

rofl. that’s hilarious…

thanks for the pick me up.


30. ken schestok says… jan 13, 2005 | 8:49 pm

i must say this was a blast to record but when i got the sneak peak on nye i knew this was gonna be freakin’ hilarious.

come on z!

31. Jeff Croft says… jan 14, 2005 | 7:23 pm

Wow. Thanks a lot. I think I am actually stupider for having watched that. :)

(But it was damn funny!)

32. Ray says… jan 15, 2005 | 11:53 am


Yer not bolted together right, which makes you a perfect candidate as a good friend. Jason is a lucky guy ; )

33. Zach Stepek says… jan 17, 2005 | 4:29 pm

Everybody in my office was crowding around my laptop watching this. Definitely one of the funnier things I’ve seen recently, and it brightened up a midwestern pool and spa company full of bored people (it is winter, you know, and we barely work in winter). Thanks for the laugh!

34. Jeff Adams says… jan 31, 2005 | 11:54 pm

Even though I don’t know any of you, that was freakin hilarious.

35. Dimitris says… nov 19, 2005 | 5:20 pm

That was great. The best thing I seen all day. Thanks for sharing. As Stan would say: “I’m a fan now” :-)